We went back to the perinatologist today to try and get the pictures that we couldn't last time. This baby definitely takes after her Daddy in that if you want her to do something, she won't. Stubborn much? Last time she was moving too much and her head was pinned from the contractions so they didn't get her heart and brain. The first time, she would not roll over so they could get the neck skin measurements. This time they got most of what they needed, except the profile because not only were her hands up by her face, her feet were as well. I say she is just so cute she wants us to be surprised when she's born and that's why she won't let us see her face. Anyway, her stats today....
- She's still a girl! Yay! (they weren't 100% sure last time but it was confirmed today, she definitely has girl gear.)
- she weighs 1 lb 8 oz. Crazy to think that with just a couple more ounces she will weigh as much as Reagan did when she was born (Reagan was 1 lb 14 oz)
- Measuring 24 weeks 1 day. I am 24 weeks 3 days so she's looking good.
- according to the Dr, she has long arms and legs. Gee, I wonder who she gets that from!
- very active and loves sleeping on her head.
- also very strong. Our new game is to put the TV remote on my stomach and watch her kick it off. She has strong kicks for a teensy tiny!!!
- Still no name but affectionately goes by Princess, Gummy Bear, Cinnamon Bun and Sweet Pea!
It has been so much fun feeling her kick and move. I know we are still not out of the danger zone yet but everyday brings us closer and closer. It's been hard not wanting to buy every adorable girly outfit in the stores. She already has a closet FULL of clothes (Thank You to everyone who has given her gifts already). Her bedding came and her crib is set up. We are slowly but surely getting there. March is going to come FAST! I can't wait :-)
Monday, December 2, 2013
Thursday, October 3, 2013
After a Hurricane Comes a Rainbow
This will probably be one long post, so if you want to get comfortable and sit back, here we go.
On July 22, 2012, my world was changed forever. BFP or whatever you want to call it, I was pregnant. I was so excited and told my family right away. We finally decided to start a family and things were working out beautifully. I scheduled my appointment and a few weeks later we found ourselves anxiously awaiting to see our baby on a black and white screen. The doctor finally came in and didn't see anything on the ultrasound. There was a little black circle that appeared to be a gestational sack." Maybe" she said "it is just measuring behind" or "I can't find it". We went into another ultrasound room with a better machine...same thing. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. They put us in a tiny room and the Doctor hurried in, wanting to get the news over with. There's no baby showing. It's probably a failed pregnancy but it could be measuring behind (deep down, that Dr knew but I think she was sparing my feelings.). I was supposed to go back in a week to check. Everyone kept telling me that it would be OK. That the baby was measuring behind. But I just knew. I knew that this had gone terribly wrong and the baby that I loved so much already hadn't made it. A few days later, I woke up bleeding, but little did I know my world would come crashing down around me. That was the longest week of my life. In some ways I don't remember any of it, but in other ways I remember ever little detail.Like the dead silence on the drive to my parents house with my mom who picked me up that morning, who didn't know what to say. Like the look on my husband's face when he walked through the door to come get me from my parent's house.Later that week, I went into the doctor to confirm what I already knew. The Dr was so kind and explained that I had a Blighted Ovum. That there was a baby but that because of some reason or another, it wasn't viable, but my body hadn't caught on and it continued to think it was pregnant. They told me a few things that would ensue over the next few weeks. He told me I was being strong. The next few weeks, I pushed through. I made myself go to work and I put on a really brave facade and faked like I was fine and everything was going to be OK. It was a horrible feeling. This baby that I had loved so much, yet I wanted out of me so bad. It took about 2 weeks for the rejection to begin. It was horrible. You think you are dying. You are in so much pain and emotionally drained. I had hoped that once the miscarriage happened I could start to heal. They said I had to wait 6-8 weeks before trying. Weeks turned into months, which eventually turned into a year. I was a wreck. I was miserable, I was not a good person to be around. It consumed me. It made me question everything I have ever believed about life. I was bitter, I was angry, I was jealous, I was sad. How could my body have failed me? And of course the more I wanted it, the more I had to watch my dreams become other people's reality. Everyone around me was getting pregnant, except me. It was supposed to be me, but month after month, it wasn't. And I was sad. As my due date approached, I decided I needed to do some real soul searching. I realized that God could not give me a new baby to love if I was still sad about the one that I had lost. I told myself that my due date, March 26th 2013 was the last day I could be sad. From that point on, I tried to look at how going through this experience would help others. I remember texting a friend from the bathroom asking questions (bless her heart) because nobody in my family had gone through it, and quite frankly, the Dr's do not prepare you for how incredibly horrible the experience is. They say it is like a heavy period. That is a total and complete lie. But anyway, I started to talk about it. It made people uncomfortable because people didn't really know what to say. It had become such a part of me that I needed to share it in order to heal. I used my experience to help other people who were experiencing it. I wanted to help prepare them for what would happen and help them cope and deal. Sometimes you just need to hear that it really sucks. Anyway, I knew that in order to move on and heal, I needed to figure out what was going on with my body. I sent in a consultation request to the Nevada Center for Reproductive Medicine. They called me the next day. When we went in on June 10, 2013, we were greeted by the friendliest staff who didn't make me feel like I was broken. The sign in the office says something to the effect of "With the wisdom of God, the knowledge he's given us and the hopes and dreams of everyone who comes through these doors, anything is possible." Talk about hope!! We sat down with the amazing Dr and he was able to pinpoint exactly what was going on with me and what it would take to fix it. He gave me hope. He brought light into my soul- Something I had been searching for for so long. We came up with a treatment plan and things started right away. I walked out of that office feeling invincible. That Dr. is a true gift from God and makes people's dreams come true. We are so lucky to have been able to go to him. Since this post is getting long, I'll save that story for another time. I want to close by saying how grateful I am to know that the during the worst experience of my life, my Lord and Savior was right there with me. Michael worked out of town, yet I never felt alone. I know that my Heavenly Father was there for me. That he had a plan for me that was bigger and better than I could have imagined. He had this amazing gift he wanted to give me but it had to be on his time. I take comfort knowing that my precious baby just needed to be here for a little moment and I feel blessed that he trusted me to fulfill that. Although that year was the most difficult year of my entire life, I learned so much and became closer to my savior than I ever was before. There really were only one set of footprints in the sand this past year. Now my life is so richly blessed and we are expecting our new perfect miracle. It's all in the Lords hands and all in his timing. I'm learning that. For those of you who are experiencing the same things, don't give up. I had given up. I was at rock bottom. It will get better and I feel your pain. If you ever need to talk I am here for you 100%. Thanks for reading and for being there for me when I wasn't so easy to love. You all are my lifeline, my rock and my greatest blessing in my life. I can't wait to share life's next adventures with you!
On July 22, 2012, my world was changed forever. BFP or whatever you want to call it, I was pregnant. I was so excited and told my family right away. We finally decided to start a family and things were working out beautifully. I scheduled my appointment and a few weeks later we found ourselves anxiously awaiting to see our baby on a black and white screen. The doctor finally came in and didn't see anything on the ultrasound. There was a little black circle that appeared to be a gestational sack." Maybe" she said "it is just measuring behind" or "I can't find it". We went into another ultrasound room with a better machine...same thing. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. They put us in a tiny room and the Doctor hurried in, wanting to get the news over with. There's no baby showing. It's probably a failed pregnancy but it could be measuring behind (deep down, that Dr knew but I think she was sparing my feelings.). I was supposed to go back in a week to check. Everyone kept telling me that it would be OK. That the baby was measuring behind. But I just knew. I knew that this had gone terribly wrong and the baby that I loved so much already hadn't made it. A few days later, I woke up bleeding, but little did I know my world would come crashing down around me. That was the longest week of my life. In some ways I don't remember any of it, but in other ways I remember ever little detail.Like the dead silence on the drive to my parents house with my mom who picked me up that morning, who didn't know what to say. Like the look on my husband's face when he walked through the door to come get me from my parent's house.Later that week, I went into the doctor to confirm what I already knew. The Dr was so kind and explained that I had a Blighted Ovum. That there was a baby but that because of some reason or another, it wasn't viable, but my body hadn't caught on and it continued to think it was pregnant. They told me a few things that would ensue over the next few weeks. He told me I was being strong. The next few weeks, I pushed through. I made myself go to work and I put on a really brave facade and faked like I was fine and everything was going to be OK. It was a horrible feeling. This baby that I had loved so much, yet I wanted out of me so bad. It took about 2 weeks for the rejection to begin. It was horrible. You think you are dying. You are in so much pain and emotionally drained. I had hoped that once the miscarriage happened I could start to heal. They said I had to wait 6-8 weeks before trying. Weeks turned into months, which eventually turned into a year. I was a wreck. I was miserable, I was not a good person to be around. It consumed me. It made me question everything I have ever believed about life. I was bitter, I was angry, I was jealous, I was sad. How could my body have failed me? And of course the more I wanted it, the more I had to watch my dreams become other people's reality. Everyone around me was getting pregnant, except me. It was supposed to be me, but month after month, it wasn't. And I was sad. As my due date approached, I decided I needed to do some real soul searching. I realized that God could not give me a new baby to love if I was still sad about the one that I had lost. I told myself that my due date, March 26th 2013 was the last day I could be sad. From that point on, I tried to look at how going through this experience would help others. I remember texting a friend from the bathroom asking questions (bless her heart) because nobody in my family had gone through it, and quite frankly, the Dr's do not prepare you for how incredibly horrible the experience is. They say it is like a heavy period. That is a total and complete lie. But anyway, I started to talk about it. It made people uncomfortable because people didn't really know what to say. It had become such a part of me that I needed to share it in order to heal. I used my experience to help other people who were experiencing it. I wanted to help prepare them for what would happen and help them cope and deal. Sometimes you just need to hear that it really sucks. Anyway, I knew that in order to move on and heal, I needed to figure out what was going on with my body. I sent in a consultation request to the Nevada Center for Reproductive Medicine. They called me the next day. When we went in on June 10, 2013, we were greeted by the friendliest staff who didn't make me feel like I was broken. The sign in the office says something to the effect of "With the wisdom of God, the knowledge he's given us and the hopes and dreams of everyone who comes through these doors, anything is possible." Talk about hope!! We sat down with the amazing Dr and he was able to pinpoint exactly what was going on with me and what it would take to fix it. He gave me hope. He brought light into my soul- Something I had been searching for for so long. We came up with a treatment plan and things started right away. I walked out of that office feeling invincible. That Dr. is a true gift from God and makes people's dreams come true. We are so lucky to have been able to go to him. Since this post is getting long, I'll save that story for another time. I want to close by saying how grateful I am to know that the during the worst experience of my life, my Lord and Savior was right there with me. Michael worked out of town, yet I never felt alone. I know that my Heavenly Father was there for me. That he had a plan for me that was bigger and better than I could have imagined. He had this amazing gift he wanted to give me but it had to be on his time. I take comfort knowing that my precious baby just needed to be here for a little moment and I feel blessed that he trusted me to fulfill that. Although that year was the most difficult year of my entire life, I learned so much and became closer to my savior than I ever was before. There really were only one set of footprints in the sand this past year. Now my life is so richly blessed and we are expecting our new perfect miracle. It's all in the Lords hands and all in his timing. I'm learning that. For those of you who are experiencing the same things, don't give up. I had given up. I was at rock bottom. It will get better and I feel your pain. If you ever need to talk I am here for you 100%. Thanks for reading and for being there for me when I wasn't so easy to love. You all are my lifeline, my rock and my greatest blessing in my life. I can't wait to share life's next adventures with you!
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Why I Quit my Teaching Job
So many changes are happening in my life right now, I decided I need to start writing about them all. One of the biggest changes is that I quit my job with Washoe County. I resigned. I made a big, scary adult decision. So let me explain why and what led up to this decision.
We recently moved out to Fernley so that I could actually live with my husband again. This meant a 45 minute drive each way for me. I had gotten used to the idea that I was actually going to have to drive it every day and for me it just was what it was. However, in the weeks leading up to the first day we as teachers had to go back to school, I found myself becoming increasingly more and more unmotivated. To say the least, I was dreading going back. It wasn't the drive or all the new requirements placed on me as a teacher this year (we got a new principal and he means business). I was miserable. I cried a lot. I felt sick, I was nervous, I was mean and unpleasant. I decided I would apply to ONE job and see where that got me. If I didn't get the job, I would know that I was supposed to be in Washoe County as a Special Education Teacher. So I went to an interview for a position as a special ed teacher. The next day the principal called me and said that I was their top pick, but that the previous week he had hired a new teacher who would not be able to take the other of the two jobs that were open due to licensing issues, so they could not hire me. However, he said that they were so impressed with me that he gave my name to a principal at another school for a 2nd grade job. Yeah right I thought, they will never let me switch to general ed, even though that has been my dream since I was in 2nd grade myself. Anyway, long story short, I was offered the job. I had to move fast because WCSD was starting in 2 days and I had to let my principal know. So after discussing it with my Dad, I felt so strongly that this was the school for me. It is a gorgeous, new school only 1 minute from my house, and it was my dream job. Going through UNR, they tell you that a WCSD contract is good as gold and once you get one, don't ever give it up. But I truly felt SO much relief and stress just leave me once I accepted the position and resigned from my old one. And something amazing happened; I became excited about teaching again. I wanted to go back to school and I got to do all the things that I never got to do as a special ed teacher. And the thought of waking up and never having to schedule, write, hold or reschedule an IEP again was liberating. Talking to my husband today, I realized why my heart needed so badly to get out of special education:
1. The endless amounts of paperwork that take time away from working with students.
2. Never getting ahead because there is always an IEP to revise or schedule.
3. Working tirelessly to schedule and organize everyone to be able to come to the IEP, taking time to write the IEP only for the principal to not adhere to it ( even though it's not supposed to happen, it does.) In essence, I was sick of being a slave to something that made me so powerless.
4. Feeling like a second rate teacher. Special Ed teachers are considered support staff. For somebody who has always wanted their own room this just didn't work for me.
5. having little control over the curriculum- I love planning and creating lessons and this year, I was so limited in what I was able to do.
There are more reasons on a personal level that I won't get into here. And let me clarify, I do NOT think that General Education is easier than Special Education. Not at all. However, I do believe that General Education involves more of what I love and enjoy about teaching. And I so wanted and needed to enjoy it again. I loved my kids and will miss them terribly, but I am so excited to regroup and reignite my passion for teaching again. It was a big risk but I truly believe it was one worth taking.
We recently moved out to Fernley so that I could actually live with my husband again. This meant a 45 minute drive each way for me. I had gotten used to the idea that I was actually going to have to drive it every day and for me it just was what it was. However, in the weeks leading up to the first day we as teachers had to go back to school, I found myself becoming increasingly more and more unmotivated. To say the least, I was dreading going back. It wasn't the drive or all the new requirements placed on me as a teacher this year (we got a new principal and he means business). I was miserable. I cried a lot. I felt sick, I was nervous, I was mean and unpleasant. I decided I would apply to ONE job and see where that got me. If I didn't get the job, I would know that I was supposed to be in Washoe County as a Special Education Teacher. So I went to an interview for a position as a special ed teacher. The next day the principal called me and said that I was their top pick, but that the previous week he had hired a new teacher who would not be able to take the other of the two jobs that were open due to licensing issues, so they could not hire me. However, he said that they were so impressed with me that he gave my name to a principal at another school for a 2nd grade job. Yeah right I thought, they will never let me switch to general ed, even though that has been my dream since I was in 2nd grade myself. Anyway, long story short, I was offered the job. I had to move fast because WCSD was starting in 2 days and I had to let my principal know. So after discussing it with my Dad, I felt so strongly that this was the school for me. It is a gorgeous, new school only 1 minute from my house, and it was my dream job. Going through UNR, they tell you that a WCSD contract is good as gold and once you get one, don't ever give it up. But I truly felt SO much relief and stress just leave me once I accepted the position and resigned from my old one. And something amazing happened; I became excited about teaching again. I wanted to go back to school and I got to do all the things that I never got to do as a special ed teacher. And the thought of waking up and never having to schedule, write, hold or reschedule an IEP again was liberating. Talking to my husband today, I realized why my heart needed so badly to get out of special education:
1. The endless amounts of paperwork that take time away from working with students.
2. Never getting ahead because there is always an IEP to revise or schedule.
3. Working tirelessly to schedule and organize everyone to be able to come to the IEP, taking time to write the IEP only for the principal to not adhere to it ( even though it's not supposed to happen, it does.) In essence, I was sick of being a slave to something that made me so powerless.
4. Feeling like a second rate teacher. Special Ed teachers are considered support staff. For somebody who has always wanted their own room this just didn't work for me.
5. having little control over the curriculum- I love planning and creating lessons and this year, I was so limited in what I was able to do.
There are more reasons on a personal level that I won't get into here. And let me clarify, I do NOT think that General Education is easier than Special Education. Not at all. However, I do believe that General Education involves more of what I love and enjoy about teaching. And I so wanted and needed to enjoy it again. I loved my kids and will miss them terribly, but I am so excited to regroup and reignite my passion for teaching again. It was a big risk but I truly believe it was one worth taking.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
To blog or not to blog....
It's been forever since I've been on this thing! I'm not sure whether to keep going with it or to can it. I have been writing a lot lately as a way to heal and express the inner most pain, frustrations and sadness I have experienced. In time, I will open up about what occurred but for now, I am still healing, each and every day. My healing journal contains the words I am too afraid to share; for it is all still too raw and personal. So for now, I think my blog will remain in the past...we shall see.
Friday, June 17, 2011
And a Touch of Domesticity
So now that we are once again on our own, I am trying to be that house wife I always wanted to be. (Okay that was a joke). This means, cooking,cleaning, and looking halfway decent doing it (okay that was a joke too.) I have tried some new recipes recently that I think you are all going to like. I will try and put them up soon. Here's what you have to look forward to:
- Strawberry Cream Blooms
- Strawberry Cheesecake Bites
- Frito Corn Salad
- Vanilla Meringues.
As always, I am constantly on the look out for easy, quick and affordable recipes. Cooking for two should seem like a snap but honestly I have yet to master the art. But hey, after 3.5 years of attempting to be domestic, I think i'm finally getting it!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
KP Say What?
All My life I have suffered from a skin condition that I never was able to get an answer to. Yesterday, while getting a facial from my lovely and talented friend that Mans the counter at Origins, I was able to get an answer and after looking it up online, I discovered that she was absolutely correct.
Keratosis Pilaris is a skin condition in which the skin over produces Keratin and clogs up the hair follicle, thus resulting in tiny skin colored bumps. It is painless and harmless but cosmetically displeasing.
My whole life I have been embarrassed about my skin condition, often hiding my arms under longer sleeved shirts. It is pointed out by almost anyone who sees it. They usually mistake it for bug bites, sun burns, rashed, 'ouchies' (referred to by the kids) and even chicken pox. The condition is also called "chicken skin syndrome".
The good news is that there are several products out there that are proven to reduce the visibility of the KP. Unfortunately they cost a good penny. However, I feel like after a lifetime of living with this unsightly "arm acne" it is a good investment. I can't believe that I am now at that age where I can say "When I was younger we didn't know such and such" but I can honestly say that when I was younger and had it looked at by doctors and dermatologists, nobody seemed to have an answer. I'm glad that after 24 years I was able to get one!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
BS- Bachelor of Science!
So I am officially done done done done done.....with my bachelor's degree. I am waiting patiently for my diploma to come in the mail. I completed 18 weeks of student teaching- 10 in second grade and 8 in Special Ed. I was able to finish 2 weeks early because I was offered a ten week position at the school. I'm not sure exactly what my title is, but basically I teach a small group or take over the class while the teacher works with her bubble kids. Bubble kids are the ones who are just slightly below grade level who, with a little more direct instruction, have a chance to pass the CRT's (state tests). Passing CRT's is crucial at our school right now because we have to meet certain scores set by NO Child Left Behind or we will all be moved around to different schools.
Anyway, I love what I do and I am SO glad that I dedicated 5 years of my life to this. It truly is what I love doing and holds a very special place in my heart. I enjoy teaching and I love my kids. I am thankful to have chosen a career path that I honestly love and feel so fulfilled at the end of the day. Now any Prayers for me to get a full time job would be greatly appreciated!
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