KP Say What?

All My life I have suffered from a skin condition that I never was able to get an answer to. Yesterday, while getting a facial from my lovely and talented friend that Mans the counter at Origins, I was able to get an answer and after looking it up online, I discovered that she was absolutely correct.

Keratosis Pilaris is a skin condition in which the skin over produces Keratin and clogs up the hair follicle, thus resulting in tiny skin colored bumps. It is painless and harmless but cosmetically displeasing.

My whole life I have been embarrassed about my skin condition, often hiding my arms under longer sleeved shirts. It is pointed out by almost anyone who sees it. They usually mistake it for bug bites, sun burns, rashed, 'ouchies' (referred to by the kids) and even chicken pox. The condition is also called "chicken skin syndrome".

The good news is that there are several products out there that are proven to reduce the visibility of the KP. Unfortunately they cost a good penny. However, I feel like after a lifetime of living with this unsightly "arm acne" it is a good investment. I can't believe that I am now at that age where I can say "When I was younger we didn't know such and such" but I can honestly say that when I was younger and had it looked at by doctors and dermatologists, nobody seemed to have an answer. I'm glad that after 24 years I was able to get one!

BS- Bachelor of Science!

So I am officially done done done done done.....with my bachelor's degree. I am waiting patiently for my diploma to come in the mail. I completed 18 weeks of student teaching- 10 in second grade and 8 in Special Ed. I was able to finish 2 weeks early because I was offered a ten week position at the school. I'm not sure exactly what my title is, but basically I teach a small group or take over the class while the teacher works with her bubble kids. Bubble kids are the ones who are just slightly below grade level who, with a little more direct instruction, have a chance to pass the CRT's (state tests). Passing CRT's is crucial at our school right now because we have to meet certain scores set by NO Child Left Behind or we will all be moved around to different schools.

Anyway, I love what I do and I am SO glad that I dedicated 5 years of my life to this. It truly is what I love doing and holds a very special place in my heart. I enjoy teaching and I love my kids. I am thankful to have chosen a career path that I honestly love and feel so fulfilled at the end of the day. Now any Prayers for me to get a full time job would be greatly appreciated!

THE QUESTION

So, after three (yes it has been three) years of marriage, I get asked THE Question quite often "When are you going to have kids?" Despite my urge to shout out "None of your Business" I guess I will attempt to answer seeing as my standard peer group generally has around 2 kids by now. There are several reasons why I have consciously put off having children.

1. I know many people that get pregnant their first year of marriage. While that might work for some, I wanted to work on my relationship with my husband before bringing a third party into the mix. Marriage is hard enough as it is, I wanted to get used to being a wife before being a mother.

2. School. I have wanted to be a teacher for 18+ years now. People who have known me that long can attest to this. I wanted to get through school first. I got married after starting college and I was not willing to let go of two years of hard work and money because I had a child to raise. It was my goal to get through college and I am proud to say that I have.

3. Money. I know I know. "If you wait until you have money, you will never have kids." Boy if I had a nickel for every time I have had that said to me, maybe i'd actually have enough money to have a child. The truth is, we genuinely cannot afford it. We had a rough couple of years and we could barely pay our bills, let alone the bills of another. I do believe that the lord will provide (something I could also collect nickels on for hearing), but I am also a firm believer that one should live within their means. At this moment in time, bringing a child into the world would not only be living beyond our means, but it would also be utterly irresponsible.

Believe me, this is something that I have had to choose for myself and come to terms with. I am always concerned with long term, and for the past three years, bringing a child into the world was not what we were supposed to do. That's not to say that we will never have children; quite the opposite actually. While I like to throw around the idea of working for the rest of my life and leaving the child bearing to the other thousands of capable mothers, I know that kids are in my future. I believe that it is an individual choice and the time differs from person to person based on their circumstances. Unfortunately the peer pressure is high, but I made it three years and a few more (if that's what is supposed to happen) won't kill me.

Ma and Pa

Thankfully I was blessed with an amazing family. I was privileged to have parents who genuinely cared for me and had my best interest at heart. They taught me to be independent and think for myself. They worked together as a team and taught me to take other people's opinions and viewpoints into account. They told me they were proud of me. They told me the loved me. They encouraged me and helped me be a better person. They raised me with morals and values and the ability to work hard for something. I knew that I could always count on them to give me the best advice or simply be there for me. My father is the most intelligent person I know. He always sees the other sides of the issue that I don't see. This is why to this day I still greatly value his input. He is an amazing person and father. My mother is compassionate and hard working. She continually fights for my happiness and would go to the moon and back for her kids, or actually just about anyone. Situations arise in life when you reflect on these things. Sometimes you realize that not everyone has it as good as you do. Some people have parents who don't care or who are emotionally/physically abusive. One thing I am certain is that there has never been a time when I have not been deeply grateful for my family. They are everything I need in this world and no matter what happens, I will always have them. That is the most important thing. So to the best parents in the world, I love you with all my heart!

A year's time

Holy canoli I cannot believe its been almost a year since I have written last. That goes to show how crazy, yet uneventful my life has been this past year. Seeing as the last year has been consumed by classes, homework and holding down a job, the blog was the last thing on my mind. But seriously. Nobody reads this thing anyway. Well here's a super fast, watered down update of the last year of my life.

1. July 2009, Brother of mine left for his mission in Richmond, Virginia and is rocking the house down there.

2. October 2009, Muffin Butts turned one in october. up and walking, talking and melting our hearts.

3. November 2009, Michael got new job at Ritz-Carlton working security

4. Jan 5, 2010= 2 year anniversary. Celebrated with a magical day at the Ritz.

5. May 15, 2010= last day of classes as an undergraduate.

So now that you're all caught up.......

Im still working at old navy and i will be student teaching this fall in second grade. I also got a few days of subbing under my belt before I student teach. Not up to much this summer....vacations cost money, that of which i do not have. Hopefully by the grace of everything that is good in this world I will be able to get a job once I am done. I never thought i'd have a degree I couldn't use but that possibility is becoming a harsh reality.

Well, aren't you glad you read this. Super exciting I know.

Independence Day

Well we had court today and guess what? The coward didn't even show up! I feel victorious in every way and could not have asked for it to work out any better. It was amazing and I am thrilled to have my life back. Slowly but surely we cut the cancer out of our lives and can return to normal; not living in constant fear for our lives, property, well being and image. The most important thing to remember when dealing with these types of people, or sociopaths as they are called, is that they love being in control and when they are not in control anymore, they run and hide, because yes, they are cowards. They only play the big man up to a certain point. When they realize that their victim is fighting back, that is when it tends to get the worst, but if you stick it out and stand up to the bully, he will eventually back down. This is what happened to us. That bully realized that by showing up to court and trying to make our lives hell, he would actually do more damage to himself, and because sociopaths are driven by keeping up their image, he had to move on to the next victim. We had more evidence and proof on him then he will ever have on us and he realized that and became afraid. What I am trying to say is if you have to deal with a person like this, stick it out. Dont' give up. It's hard and scary, especially if you don't have the money for a lawyer. But what I learned and I hope other people realize is that you CAN stick up for yourself. It is your right. You Can 'fight back' with the law. The court will not tell you anything. They are about as helpful as a hole in a grocery bag, but don't give up. You have a right to all the information there is out there. The internet has a lot of good advice and tells you how to go about things like TPO's, subpoena's, affidavits and so forth. Just because you don't have a lawyer does not mean you won't win. I never thought we had a chance in heck but eventually I realized how good of a case we had. If you haven't done anything, you can find evidence on the other person. I hope nobody else has to go through what we have been through. It is the scariest thing thinking that your husband is going to get arrested, having to leave you house, having your vehicles towed, not being allowed to go to your home or church, but believe me, it is soooo worth the energy we put into our case. I have learned a lot along the way and hope to never ever have to deal with somebody like this again. I have learned my lesson and to pay attention to those little things called red flags. And yes, sometimes a gut feeling is enough of a red flag!!!!

Don't Let this Happen to You

Recntly we became involved (and still are involved) in a very scary situation. It has caused a lot of stress for my family and close friends and has been nothing short of a living nightmare for myself. While this may seem like something funny, it really is a serious thing and can really affect your life. While I cannot get into the dirty details of it for legal reasons, I will try to explain as best I can. The problem is, that being LDS, we tend to believe that all people are good and we try to see the good in other people; especially people of our own faith. But just because somebody seems or puts on the act of a 'good LDS person' does not by any means mean that they are. While most people in the ward and church are good honest people, there are unfortunately people who are out to hurt other people. What happened was we tried to become friends but later learned that we were dealing with sociopaths. Typical Sociopathic Behavior includes (gathered from 'Profile of the Sociopath'):

- Superficial charm

- Manipulative and Conning They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

-Pathological Lying Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

-Shallow Emotions When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

Other Behaviors may include-


Authoritarian

Paranoid

Secretive

Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life


Unable to feel remorse or guilt

Always plays the victim but never accepts that what is happening is a consequence of their own action.


In our situation we were this victim that the definition describes. We witnessed every single one of these traits.Because of the sociopath we were involved with, We were close to having no rights, no money, being forced to move, almost arrested and living in constant fear of what would happen next. Please Please Please watch out and be careful. Just because a person seems genuine and caring does not mean that they are. You can get yourself in a very scary situation. Also, listen to other people. If somebody warns you against somebody, LISTEN. That is why I am trying to get people to realize that there are people like this out there. It is like a cancer, once these people get into your lives, you cannot get them out and they eat away at your soul and your sanity. The best thing you can do if you get involved in a situation like this is to get yourself out asap. It will be messy because a sociopath wants control over you and when they can't have it they lose it. They will try everything then to make your life miserable. You need to gather as much proof as you can. Don't go ANYWHERE alone. Document EVERYTHING and get a lawyer or legal advice. Believe me, I never thought this would ever happen to us but it did and now i hope you all can learn from my experience and don't let this happen to you! If you feel like you involved with a sociopath, please get yourself out. It is better than dealing with what we have been through.


There will be more on this later.....